This monster inside doesn’t just go away…it has to be forcibly pushed…or, (eye roll) trained…yup…sadly that (pardon my French) Mutthafucka needs to be trained out.
It’s actually a thing.
Training your psyche to believe you’re worthy…that you want to stick around…that there is something worth sticking around for. (Believe me, I know THAT is not always easy. I know how it feels to think that your shit is crazy stupid and no one else would want to even know you…and that no one ever really WANTS to know you, anyway.. Why would they! Right? We go there automatically. I’m well-familiar, stupidly so, with that automatic crap.
So, sometimes, like now especially, and super sadly, the suicide prevention lines, I think, are inundated with people who are at the end of their ropes. Where do you go when there’s no more rope! But that’s an awful lot of extra rope for them to come up with at the hotlines…feel me?
What THAT means is that we may have to be left up to our own devices to add some rope.
Yes, yesterday I did say no. I wasn’t driving my own car. I took a pretty picture of a cliff and the way the long and short distance perspective is so beautiful in places around the world, like where I am now, New Mexico. When I was leaving the little gravel area off the National Forest area where I was appreciating the beauty, I drove a little close to the cliff edge where there was no guard rail.
“Nope.. this isn’t your car!”
“Shit!”, my monster replied testily.
I am still here.
I went and looked up Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I found a video on YouTube. It felt not too bad to do the five minute thing she was recommending. If you want it, I’ll add it at the bottom.
We may have to find more rope ourselves.
And to that, I have one thing to add…I know I don’t know you, but if you have eyes on this right now and you have thought about any of this and you know what I am talking about because there was no more rope and coming to the end of your rope during this pandemic kinda feels repetitive and tired to share with others..I feel that pain…and I love you! I do!
Maybe we can face this dragon. Maybe we have the Fucking tools. You know? Maybe we’ve GOT to! Maybe that is the choice we have to make. To DO this.
And I have a feeling it’s one that we are going to have to make OVER and OVER again. We will have to KEEP making that choice. I’m thinking that maybe it will be worth it to see if we can do it.
Am I fucked up for saying any of this?
PROBABLY!
Is that going to stop me?
NO EFFING WAY!
Especially if there is just YOU and me…just one person who is reading this who’s in it with me.
Happiness is like those palaces in fairy tales whose gates are guarded by dragons: we must fight in order to conquer it.”
– Alexandre Dumas
yep. Fuck it! Dragon, you are DONE! I am in charge of my own life, NOT YOU, you asshole-driving-too-close-to-the-cliff-FUCKING-edge-YOU!!
Here is the link: https://youtu.be/oo5caGP5dAE
Heidi & Co - Joy Injection 